I need to make some changes.
These days, I often find myself choosing the bare minimum way to complete my chores. Whenever I have to do something that I somewhat don't enjoy, I always half-ass it or avoid it.
I don't think the bare minimum way is wrong, per se. Sometimes I need to slow down, take it easy and accept I cannot always work at 100%. That's ok.
But what if it becomes a habit, a standard way of doing things. What if I get used to work at 20% of my potential, thinking it's the best I can do?
These last days, I've been thinking about this and it scared me. I've been trying to study for some courses at university, but I cannot get myself to the desk, open the book and do it. I always find excuses. Reasonable ones, I think in that moment but looking back I'm always disappointed in myself.
I've tried different approaches: study at the library, ask some friends to study together, not to mention all the techniques (pomodoro, chunking, flash cards,...), but nothing seems to click.
I forgot how to put real effort in a difficult task. Or probably, I forgot why it matters. Why it's important to work for meaningful things. Because I know it's important. Heck, it's the only way to build a meaningful life. It's not handed to you. You have to work for it.
I fear, deep down, I don't care to achieve things anymore, I don't care for success or anything else related. Or maybe I'm scared of putting in the work and still fail.
Either way, the result is that I am not happy with how I do things right now.
I need to make some changes.
this post will be updated with some actionable steps I will commit to do.
wish me luck :)